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[03 Oct 2007|07:44pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
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music |
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Brand New |
] |
Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do
They say you’re here every moment
Will you stay?
Stay ‘till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you’re busy, I know I’m just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me
Why is it so hard?
Why can’t you just take me?
I don’t have much to go
Before I fade completely
Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine
How are you so strong?
What’s it like to feel so free?
Your heart is really something
Your love, a complete mystery to me
Are you there watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
Do you cry, do you cry with me?
Cry with me tonight
Are you there?
Are you watching me?
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| Sounds like a plan. |
[13 Sep 2007|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
So i think this weekend I am going to turn off my cell phone and computer and just stay in bed. That way i don't have to deal with anymore lying or finding out that someone else has died.
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| Im in love... |
[21 Jul 2007|03:32pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
You WILL be mine...
Canon EOS 8.2-Megapixel Digital SLR Camera Easily snap a series of fast-action shots at the big game with this digital SLR camera that can take up to 30 images at up to 5 fps, letting you capture and enjoy every instant. Easily navigate the settings thanks to the 2.5" LCD that features adjustable brightness for improved viewing in various lighting conditions. - 8.2 effective megapixels deliver incredibly detailed, high-resolution images up to 3504 x 2336; RGB primary color filters
- Canon 28-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM lens; metal EF lens mount accommodates a wide range of EF lenses for a versatile shooting system
- 2.5" TFT-LCD monitor with 230K pixels, RGB histogram display and 5-level brightness control; viewfinder with adjustable diopter and fixed precision-matte screen
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[27 Jun 2007|03:13am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cold War Kids - Hang Me Out To Dry |
] |
All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.
I wish I was your favorite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish I was your favorite smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.
I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.
I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.
All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen;
I wish that we could see if we could be something
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[20 Jun 2007|12:25am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
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| Exactly Me |
[11 Jun 2007|02:30am] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
] |
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[07 Jun 2007|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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Jimmy Eat World - 23 |
] |
So Alecia called me tonight crying and asking if I could work for her tomorrow morning. I figured her dad was probably sick again so I naturally said yes but at the same time all I wanted to do is selfishly start screaming NO ITS MY DAY OFF!! I hate that place so much lately. I have never really liked it but lately I just cant stand to be there. The minute the clock hits 7 I start getting antsy and time drags by. I hate working 8+ hour shifts and having to work open to close on my Sunday. I hate that The Hoe wont go through and hire more guys so it will stop being a complete vagina drama fest every week. Having nothing but women who are pmsing or menopausal working at a HARDWARE store is not the best idea!
I realized today how badly I really wanted to go to bonaroo next weekend. It would be an entire weekend of no worries. No ace hardware. No family. No Michigan. No school. Just friends, great music, new people, camping and being completely fucked up all weekend. That just sounds so amazing to me right now.
Antons fucking with my head again. Its been almost a year and he does everything in his power to start shit with me. I dont know how many more times I can say that we will never be together again so get over it. Cant we just move past that and be civil? But I guess thats just how its always going to be with me and him. Him always playing the drama card while I run around trying to fix things that will never screwed up by me in the first place. I just wish someone would show me that I really do deserve better than Anton Marniku. That I am more than just a piece of ass and that I dont deserve to be lied to. Am I really that bad of a person that thats all I deserve??
Things really seeming to be looking up in every aspect in my life until Saturday happened. I guess good things really aren't ment to last.
Oh this is even more totally random. But I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about how there seems to be a new trend these days were couples pitch in together to buy an engagment ring. I wanted to scream because it reminded me of how many dumb ass I know out there that think thats ok. What is happening to society that these acts are being seen as just old fashioned traditions?? Its not ok that he proposed over the phone!! Its not ok that he is so broke he cant even afford to buy you a gum ball machine ring!! Its not ok that he is to cool to get down on one knee and ask you the most important question you have waited you entire life to hear!! How can a guy promise to take care of you forever if he cant even afford to buy you a ring to show how serious he is about you and how much he cares?!
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| Please let me be wrong about this... |
[26 Mar 2007|04:32am] |
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mood |
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 scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Nelly Furtado - Say It Right |
] |
All the signs are there.
I can feel it coming.
I just hope its not as serious as it was before.
I dont know if I could handle all that again right now...
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[26 Mar 2007|01:54am] |
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mood |
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Missing You |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Damien Rice |
] |
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare him
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
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[15 Feb 2007|06:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Anberlin - Paperthin Hymm |
] |
I hate getting two hours of sleep.
I hate Macomb.
I hate having no motivation towards school.
I hate valentines day.
I hate that I have had to say goodbye two times already.
I hate that I have to say goodbye all over again tomorrow.
I hate my mind racing about every little detail about everything.
I hate that there is nothing that can turn my mind off for at least five minutes.
I hate not knowing my future.
I hate not knowing when I will see you again.
I hate money.
I hate the world for being so big.
I hate being jealous of peoples great valentines day they had this year.
I hate finding comfort in only one person.
I hate when I go on a long venting rant and you have nothing to say after.
I hate when the suns not out.
I hate little brown girls.
I hate smoking.
I hate James being sad.
I hate girls who cheat on their boyfriends.
I hate the fact that you were not going to tell me.
I hate time.
I hate my room being so messy.
I hate not being able to pull my hair back.
I hate not being your number one on your top eight anymore.
I hate feeling like everything is a competition now.
I hate that you are a pathetic little bitch and never get the hint.
I hate tomato paste.
I hate being jealous of my friends.
I hate having no one to take a vacation with.
I hate sleeping alone.
I hate that my mom tries to act like she knows all about everything.
I hate my stomach.
I hate that nothing tastes cold enough anymore.
I hate people who get paid more than me.
I hate people who are engaged.
I hate feeling like I am not your number one.
I hate the constant obstacles I keep being thrown.
I hate waiting.
I
just
want
to
scream
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[24 Oct 2006|01:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
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disappointed |
] |
The OC season 3 comes out today.
I was stupid on friday and spent money on a couple new shirts for canada.
I wont even be able to go to canada for awhile though.
So now I am broke and with out the OC for even longer.
booo!
I suck =(
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[06 Oct 2006|09:00pm] |
Well I don't expect the world to move underneath me
But for God's sake, could you try?
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[27 Sep 2006|11:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rascall Flatts |
] |
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big
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[16 Aug 2006|01:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
I was just reading through old entries and I cant believe how much my life has changed.
Anton and I are no longer together. I broke it off with him back in July because I couldn’t stand how miserable I was feeling. We would still talk and at the time I really was hoping that we could fix things. Then I found out the truth, something that should have been told to me over a year ago. Something that I stood up for him for. It drives me crazy thinking about if I had never finally questioned so many things and demanded proof, if I hadn’t he would probably still have me in the dark to this day. I feel so embarrassed and stupid and like I am "one of THOSE girls". I hate him so much for hurting me so bad. I don’t really think he understands how big of a deal it all really is. If he didn’t then he would not be asking if we could be friends and hang out. Imp sorry but imp not friends with people that I cant trust. I want nothing to do with him. He is a totally different person now.
In a way I guess its kind of been a good thing. I feel like I am allot stronger now. I actually worry about myself instead or myself and someone else. Things are so much easier that way. I’m also hanging out with allot of old friends again. Met some new people too. Things are slowly getting better I just have to learn to be more patient.
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[17 Jan 2006|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
So I never write in this anymore and maybe one of these days I might update with a shit load of pictures I never posted.
So school started Monday. My environmental science class is going to
kill me. I don’t understand a single thing the guy is talking about,
not even when he was going through his class procedures crap. I am
going to have to work my ass off in that class. But it turns out he is
one of those teacher who has test about nothing he tried talking about.
GREAT. So I have to wake up to that class every Monday and Wednesday
morning. I am going to have to really push myself to not skip that
class. As for history, I was really freaked about that class. Turns out
the teacher seems really cool and it should be so bad. I just cant that
the immature guys that are in the class and their pathetic tag along
girl groupies. This is college grow the fuck up! I am so happy to be
ending the day in the art building. Its so comfortable to me now.
Everyone there is so nice and the teachers, with the exception of
ramono, are allot of fun. I wish I could just stay there all day and
not even have to venture of to the other side of campus, I hate it so
much over there =(
Now its time for me to rant, so if your name is not Jamie then you don’t have to waste your time reading this...
You tell me I don’t know what I am talking about and in return YOU have
no fucking idea what you are talking about. You don’t even know Pete or
anything that went on AT ALL. YOU only know what YOUR BOYFRIEND told
YOU. I at least heard Cleo's side, you on the other hand have never
even met Pete in your life.
As for Anton and Chene YOU are the reason they don’t talk. Ever since
you two got back together Chene stopped calling Anton all the time
because you got him whipped AND he starting acting like an ass. Prime
example: "Anton will always be a loser and go nowhere in his
life"-Chene I know that not a direct quote but that pretty accurate
right? I think its kind of funny coming from a guy who will always work
at a place like big lots because he will never go to school to actually
become something. But then again he probably doesn’t even have the
money to go because he is to busy wasting money on your spoiled ass.
When it comes to the drama regarding Cleo and Chene, I wasn’t even
going to say anything to you at all about it. But that was before you
thought you were so amazing and gloated about the message you sent to
her. I don’t regret anything I said to you, I am glad you finally know
how I and all the rest of us have always felt about you. You have
always been the "nasties" in our eyes.
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[02 Dec 2005|11:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cranky |
] |
I was leaving the bank today and as I was pulling out of the parking lot I see this truck pulling out right as I am passing him. There was no time to even speed up and avoid him so I layed on my horn. He still continued to back up into my car though! I was so furious and flew out of my car and just started yelling at him. I didnt even have time to think, things where just flying out of my mouth. Next thing I realize, the guy I am yelling at is shorter than me! He only came up to my shoulder! He claims when he was backing out and he didnt see me and didnt hear my horn. I wanted to beat the shit out of him right there, especially since it wasnt just my mirror he took off like I had though, he also dented my car door. His car only had a little paint from my car on his bumper. To make things even better, just last week I had to spend $400 to get my whole exhaust system fixed. Now even though the insurance will cover the coast to get me a whole new door, my insurace will get hicked up. I seriously feel like I cant win anymore. I was so excited when I got my car fixed last week because it no longer sounded like a piece of shit and now instead it looks like one.
Another thing that pisses me off... this is the second time that some short fuck has hit my car. Its now the second time that I have heard "Oh I didnt even see you" Well maybe if you people werent so fucking stupid and drive such big cars you wouldnt have to worry about that now would you!? When you pretty much need a ladder to get into your car, I think that should be a general hint that the car is to fucking big for you!! So therefor if anyone doesnt know what to get me for christmas just get me big bright lights for the top of my car, or maybe even a light up sign that says "HEY DUMBFUCK CAN YOU SEE ME NOW??"
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[07 Nov 2005|04:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
School is ok.
Doing good in all my classes, or so I think.
I have no clue what classes I want to take next semester and registration starts the 9th =/
I dread my english class every day, she tried to think way to deeply into things.
But I am doing really well on the essays so thats one reliefe.
Photography by far is my most favorite class.
I would much rather spend all day in the dark room rather than my other classes.
Work is crazy.
Tom quit a few weeks back so we have no manager as of right now.
Christian is now in charge of the schedule, and he keeps scheduling me only 2 days a week!
We are way over budget because Tom Hired to many of us, which I understand can mean less hours.
But if he would just get some balls and fire the usless people like ARTHUR maybe we wouldnt have so many problemns.
I am also really annoyed with christmas.
We have been setting up since well before halloween and still everything is not done.
I think I now know how to put together every light up deer there is made.
Anton and I are wonderfull.
Certain people suck, which is nothing new though.
I cant stand back stabbers and people who like to talk shit but cant actually stand up for themselves when the time comes.
But we are much better off without those friends, much less drama in our lives.
Next paycheck I am taking Anton out to dinner and to see the Johnny Cash movie, I am really excited.
Oh! and Anton bought me the cutest bear
I love somewhat random surprises =D
( Te Dua! )
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[20 Sep 2005|10:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 fat |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sex in the City |
] |
Last weekend Anton went to Frankenmouth for the weekend. It turned out to be allot of fun for us. It was also really nice to finally get some alone time together or see each other longer than just a few hours a couple days a week. Since we have school and work now we don’t get to see each other every day like we used too. We ate at Uno's which was a first for both of us. It was good I guess but wasn’t anything that special. We also saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which I was terrified to see. But it actually wasn’t scary or freaky at all like we had heard. Most of the movie was about the trail so it was not really all that we expected. Anton bought me a pair of jeans at Aero and I got a new belt for them at AE. I wish I could have gotten allot of other things but I don’t get my first pay check until the end of this week. My FIRST ever pay check I am so excited!! Especially since it will be more than it usually should since it will be for three weeks instead of the normal two =) Speaking of work I got hit on for the very first time at work today. It was gross, first by an old creepy guy saying I had "a nice smile and mesmerizing eyes, just like his" as he took off his glasses and leaned in closer to stare into mine. Then there was the also creepy trying to be smooth 30 year old guy saying I had such a beautiful hair color. According to Kari this is only the beginning lol.
( Pictures of course =) )
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[13 Sep 2005|09:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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TV |
] |
1 year... I cant believe it. It seems like the year flew by. I don’t know what I would have done with out you. You have taught me so much, and I am so grateful for that. People ask us all the time how I put up with you and I know the reason. Its because we are so different. Everything I am not or want to be you are, so we help balance each other out. No one can ever compare to you. I love you alway =)
( I also cant believe its been 3 years =/ )
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